Christmas is swiftly approaching and the timeframe in which to complete the challenge of matching up the never-ending lists of ‘What I Want for Christmas’ with the correct, impossible-to-find items is fast nearing its deadline. While Australians have well and truly perfected the art of immersing themselves (and subsequently enduring) in the hysteria of last minute shopping, thanks to the never-ending supply of helpful survival tips (including my own here), there is always the true test of Holiday fortitude that seems to be overlooked.
That test is called Boxing Day.
Boxing day, for the uninitiated, is 20 packaged, gift wrapped, express delivered hours of pure bargain shopping Hell, where proper decorum flies out the window, along with last season’s ‘It’ bags (at a fraction of the original price, of course).
There is nothing quite like the day after Christmas Day. Because the 30 days of manic shopping and the 24 hours of giving and unwrapping presents is not enough for Australians, we have embraced the idea that spending money on unnecessary items should be celebrated with a Public Holiday, and the state of the department stores at 11pm on December 26th is evidence that no true Australian can resist a good bargain.
Behind any good bargain lurks the danger that shoppers won’t be able to avoid whipping themselves and everyone around them into a fine frenzy at the discovery of a further discount, and because on Boxing Day anything goes, having the smarts to survive this day unscathed requires following a few simple rules from a Boxing Day Veteran:
-While novelty terms like ‘recession’, ‘government stimulus package’ and ‘clearing debt’ are no longer commanding our vocabulary, they have instead been replaced with expressions like ‘saving’, ‘cutbacks’ and ‘is this item further discounted?’ With retail figures down on last year’s Peak Trading Period, it is clear that Australians are searching hard before they hand over their hard earned dollars. To counteract this drop in sales many retailers are already offering pre-Christmas discounts. Some of them may even work out to be better deals than what will be offered during Boxing Day sales. Do your bargain shopping now. Avoid shopping on Boxing Day altogether.
– Many fashion retailers will take their best items off the floor in preparation for Boxing Day. But they won’t tell you this, even if you ask. If it’s new season stock, it won’t be there on Boxing Day.
-Coming into a store a week before Boxing Day and demanding to know the discount ahead of time because you “are a busy person” is a terrible idea. Retail staff do not care how busy you are. As far as they are concerned, if you have time to battle your way through the car park on Boxing Day and filter through the mounds of discarded items to find what you’re looking for, you are really not all that busy. You can wait until Boxing Day to find out the discount, just like everyone else.
– This is also applicable to the people who demand that the lines at the register on Boxing Day need to move faster because they are in a rush. If you are in a rush and you are shopping on Boxing Day, you need a reality check. The sales assistants will be happy to provide you with one.
-Yes, it is an employee’s job to turn up and provide hundreds of thousands of crazed bargain hunters with customer service. But don’t expect that service to be stellar. Christmas Day is the only calendar day of freedom from the retail world. This is barely enough time off for the staff to recuperate from the voices asking, “What is your store return policy?” that is playing on a looped track along with the Christmas carols, before they are faced with it again, this time in Surround Sound. Have a little compassion. It goes a long way.
–Stampeding during Boxing Day is an Urban Legend. As is pressing up against the front doors before the store is officially open in order to secure the best bargains. Staff will notice you. And leave you waiting an extra five minutes out of spite (after a 60 hour working week, retail workers are unapologetically spiteful).
-While destructing perfectly folded piles of shirts is an absolute no-no on any other day, it is tolerated, though definitely not appreciated. Manic sifting is expected by staff, though if you’re being extra aggressive, karma dictates that you will never find the size you are looking for.
-While manic sifting is acceptable, dropping things on the ground is absolutely not. Discount does not equal depravity. Don’t use the floor as a rubbish bin. If an item falls from a rack of clothes, do not kick it under the rack. Pick it up. Same thing applies to coffee cups, papers, food scraps, and any other items that belong in a garbage bin.
-Luxury Shopping is a touchy subject, especially on sale days. Those shoppers who are the most vocal about the overpricing of luxury goods are usually the ones with their noses pressed against the doors at the first sign of a red sale sticker. A discount on luxury goods is appreciated by everyone. But once again, discount does not equal debauchery. People expect quality from luxury items. Don’t ruin it for them. The price is slashed, but the item doesn’t needs to be too.
-Don’t encourage children to echo the behaviors of the most feral shoppers. Keep children tethered by a child leash if necessary – ignore the stares. At least you’ll be safe in the knowledge that your child won’t be snatched up by a shopper besieged by the idea that everything is on sale. Also, keep in mind that sales assistants are not babysitters. This is applicable all year round.
-Discount signage is there for a reason. That reason is that the staff do not want to spend their day answering the question – “Is there a further discount?” The answer to that million dollar question is written on the sign above your head. Although this question will undoubtedly be asked in immeasurable quantities, DO. NOT. BE. THE. ONE. TO. ASK. IT.
–Don’t be the person who asks the floor staff what the discounted price comes down to. There is a magical thing inside your mobile phone called a calculator. Or the thing inside your head called a brain. Use it. It will save harassing the staff at the register when their rough estimates turn out to be 20 cents off the correct price.
– The “customer is always right” mantra has created a horde of self-righteous shoppers, eager to unleash at the first sign of a mistake. But mistakes happen. Especially on Boxing Day. Prices ring up incorrectly, staff accidently overcharge for further reduced items. Do not react like someone has performed an accidental vasectomy on you. If a vasectomy can be reversed, so too can an overcharged transaction. Take a deep breath, accept the apology. Move on.
-If there is absolutely no way for you to control the rage that is bubbling below the surface and it is necessary that you take out your mounting stress on the staff, do it properly. Give the staff something to laugh about in disbelief once you have left the store. Be the person the staff members are still talking about next Boxing Day as a cautionary tale. If you’re going to be the Customer from Hell, do it with a little chutzpah.
