Why singles have had it with dating apps – and why you shouldn’t be despondent about finding love the old-school way.
If you are or have been in the dating world over the past decade or more, you have experienced the wild ride of dating apps – not always in the good way. Stories are constantly circling around when dating online has gone wrong. People are becoming more and more motivated to date in real life, and the deep human desire for connection is strong! Brené Brown’s research shows that our ability to connect with others is in direct proportion to how deeply we are able to connect with ourselves. The COVID lockdowns have really shone a spotlight on our need for authentic human connection.
We are shy and we are wary. For two years we lived in a bubble, and we are out of practice to make casual conversation with people at the café, or at the bus stop, or with others we may bump into. We are wary of strangers, and suspicious of people who may initiate contact. Fear has gotten in the way of the potential to date in real life. I encourage people to look up off their phones, be open, smile, and you may be surprised. I hope the world will smile back at you.
We are so time poor. As we get more and more into our careers, and try to fit in exercise, and friends, and family… there is less and less time to go out and meet other singles in a bar, club, or hobby class. Sometimes, all your friends are in relationships and there isn’t someone you could go with to be your wing-person. These days we need to be more intentional with our dating, cast our net wide to meet as many singles as possible. People are starting to go singles mixers in an attempt to meet others.
We don’t know what to look for anymore. In our late teens, most likely what we want in a partner went something like this; super attractive, very intelligent, funny, fit (abs are bonus points), sexy, good career, wonderful family, likes to travel, very social but still likes to spend a cosy night in at home with me. As time passes, and life teaches us things, our desires in a partner may look more like this; is kind (to me and everyone else), and a good communicator. The reality is we don’t know what we need in a partner until we have done some really good soul searching. When we know ourselves, we know our values, we know what we need. Know your authentic self, and find your authentic other.
Christina O’Connell of Dating With Purpose has designed a program to meet this need for real human connection, in real life. Nowhere are we more vulnerable, than in the dating space. Vulnerability feels like fragility, but looks like strength. Vulnerability is a combination of three things; uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure. Christina has created a space where singles can gently and kindly get to know themselves, potentially find their love match (using the Enneagram personality test), and be upskilled to date with their eyes wide open. This program takes you on a journey of self-discovery, to take time away from the world to reflect on who you are and what you need. The Enneagram provides a great modality to identify the shadow self and the individual coaching session informs the matches that you are set up with. This journey ends with a celebratory singles mixer to bring everyone together and meet others who want to date in real life, living in their authentic self.
