Coming in to week two of Five in Five, I was feeling good. My date with Brad Pitt had gone well and as Carrie Bradshaw always says, ‘the only thing you need to get a date, is another date’.
But perhaps I was too early in feeling confident. The dating game seems to be a minefield of talking with little action, mind games and hundreds of years of speculation, Chinese whispers and opinions.
When you think about everything you talk about in your inner circle of friends, the ‘rules’ that apply to men and women are almost hard wired – we believe the most ridiculous things about the opposite sex because someone had an experience once and we feel this taints every man or woman with the same brush.
The book and film He’s Just Not That Into You, tried to teach us about the ‘rules’, but still gave the leading lady a happy ending – ultimately making her the exception to the rule after telling us for two hours that very rarely are we the exception to the rule.
A dating ‘textbook’ I flicked through this week (purely for research purposes) advised that women should never, ever, hit on men – apparently they like the thrill of the chase, a caveman inspired theory relating to the whole hunter/gatherer/ego/superior sex thing.
It seems the only thing women are supposed to do, is ignore men. To be fabulous all by themselves – wear that brilliant dress for you. Make sure your underwear matches – for you. Put on heels, lipstick, earrings. Shine. And don’t think about boys. Sounds easy right? This leads to the one key component essential for those on the dating circuit.
I have a very close friend who has pretty much had a boyfriend since we were 15. Even when a relationship ended, she would be out soon after, and while she would sit in a bar talking to her girlfriends, it was always her who managed to come home with phone numbers. She is the most amazing and confident person I know.
And herein lies the key to dating. Confidence. Believing you are amazing and fabulous and worthy of any boy who glances your way. Accepting a compliment with a smile and not justifying it to yourself or anyone else. Looking in the mirror and knowing you are AMAZING.
Last week, while walking to work; headphones in, sunglasses on; I was stopped by a man in his car – I assumed for directions. When he apologised for stopping me and continued on that he had to simply to tell me how beautiful he thought I was, my first reaction was to smile – then immediately wonder what was wrong with all the other girls on the street that morning – what was so special about me?
Why don’t we ever have confidence in ourselves? And to those who have it – how do the rest of us get it?
Perhaps this lack of confidence comes from the very general lack of action on the part of the male species (see how all this ties in?) because guess what? Brad Pitt never phoned (if you are thinking ‘as if Brad Pitt would phone her’, refer to last week’s article) even after saying twice (once at date end, once via text the next day) that he would.
How do you think that makes a girl feel? We wonder what we said, what we did (or didn’t do) and so on and so forth. Right back to square one where we lack the confidence to approach anyone.
Dating isn’t easy – I never (or anyone else for that matter) said it was. I truly believe that to win at any game takes work, patience, dedication and a want to succeed. But, this assumes both teams are playing by the same rules and when it comes to dating, this doesn’t seem to be the case.
My five dates in five weeks may need to stretch to six (weeks that is, not dates) but this week taught me a few lessons about the game I am playing. I’ll go into week three feeling more fabulous about me and less reliant on the actions of others.
You should too.
To support Sarah, and raise funds for Concern Australia, visit her fundraising page here.
Image credit: Kathryn Sprigg
