It occurred to me recently that each of you has probably been sitting on the edge of your seat for the past weeks, just waiting to hear what happened at the end of my Five in Five dating experiment. In the same way a good TV show takes a break midway through the season with a cliff-hanger ending, so too did I leave you hanging on at date four, wondering if I would find my happily ever after.
You will recall my dates with Brad Pitt, Ryan Gosling, Steve Carrell and Kevin Rudd with a laugh and perhaps hoped that date number five led me to my inevitable happy ending with Prince Charming – but alas, it was not to be. The dating game continues to beat me, but here are a few reasons as to why.
As with anything in life, we must prioritise the activities we undertake each day, the things we do that make us happy and the ones we are compelled to do because of obligation or lack of ability to say no. I do all of these things. And then some.
Dating is an activity that takes up a tremendous amount of time. I’ve recently established that this is the reason married women cut their hair – they spent all those years dating and they are making up for lost time. Not only do you need to find the dates, you need to go on them. I drew the line at asking a boy to breakfast for a first date – it seemed presumptuous – but finding the time between work and my demanding single life was hard.
I (until recently) held a demanding job that didn’t allow for a lot of flexibility in cancelling on boys I just met. I might have made it to the first date but I often didn’t get the time to go on a second – especially during Five in Five when I was supposed to go on five first dates and who knows how many second dates? And then what about my friends? Where do you draw the line between seeing the ones you know you love – and the one you might?
And herein lies my predicament. How best to consider the future when the present is full and fabulous? I’m not unhappy being single, but I know the day will come when I am. As my friends, one by one, walk down the aisle, I am closer and closer to that time. Will it be just a matter of being the last one left without a dance card, or am I being independent and a master of my own destiny?
Everyone has an opinion on this. Just today a friend expressed her loneliness at her self-titled ‘spinsterhood’ at 32. In 3 years, will I be that broken and beaten at the dating game? Do I enjoy my single life too much to consider the possibility of a relationship, thus counting myself out of the game subconsciously? Are my excuses about time and energy simply a front for my inability to commit?
This led me to the simple conclusion that I am in fact a product of my generation – a Sex and the City/Friends stereotype, one who rarely has a serious relationship before the age of 30, who enjoys everything life has to offer (especially a soft spot for expensive footwear purchased with my single woman disposable income) and while I might have the odd moment of complacency when I wonder if I will be single forever, I live in the knowledge that it all worked out for Carrie, Charlotte, Miranda, Rachel, Monica and Phoebe – and even in some ways, Samantha – so why shouldn’t it work out for me?
A quote I read recently, by Thoreau, goes like this: ‘Happiness is like a butterfly; the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder…’
Every person I have ever spoken to about relationships and my eternal singledom has provided the same advice – when you stop looking; love will find you.
I don’t know the answer for the single people out there. Put yourself out there – or don’t. As long as you are happy in yourself, the person you are will attract others regardless of whether you are looking to date or not. I’d love to be able to give you a stat about the number of people who never actually marry, but I am sure the divorce rate is still significantly higher.
Good things come to those who wait.
So, I’ll wait.
Image credit: Kathryn Sprigg
