Advent: I don’t care how old you are – don’t tell me you don’t love a bit of Barbie or Thomas the Tank Engine on your Christmas countdown calendar. Any excuse to have chocolate before breakfast is fine with me.
Booze: No Christmas would be tolerable without the added incentive of alcohol to help get though the family get togethers, long nights at the office finishing projects before holidays and the scary number of people who infiltrate shopping centres for the month of December.
Cheer: See Booze above. Without Booze, there would be no cheer.
Dad Jokes: It seems like Christmas is a perfect opportunity for Dads to pull out gems like ‘pull my finger’, or read jokes from crackers as if they were the funniest thing ever written. Perhaps wait ‘til the new year to bring over your new boyfriend/girlfriend.
Eggnog: I’ve never had eggnog. But it seemed Christmassy and I couldn’t think of anything else starting with E. (Oh wait, Easter Eggs. They’ll be on the shelves Boxing Day).
Family: Love them or hate them, its Christmas. Choose your friends.
Gold: Boys, presents in gold usually mean you are apologising for something. Buy silver so she doesn’t think you have done something wrong (unless in fact you have, then the only acceptable form of gold is white gold).
Holiday: Make the most of your time off. 2013 is a leap year and it will be that bit longer ‘til the next break.
Irritation: A common ailment seen at places where cash registers, merchandise, customer service and consumers collide.
Joy: Tis the season to be jolly! (Note: Usually the joy comes after the ‘season’).
Knick Knacks: Not acceptable as a gift, for any person, of any age.
Lie Down: Mandatory in the lead up to Christmas. Also known as a Nanna nap. i.e. When grandma sneaks off to the bedroom for a lie down, take this as your cue to do the same.
Mums: They work hard on Christmas Day (and probably the six weeks leading up to it). Pay your respects. Take flowers. Say thanks. Mean it.
Nieces/Nephews: The BEST. All the fun of having kids around at Christmas time, none of the hassle of wrapping presents at midnight or assembling toys at 1am and realising you forgot the batteries. (Also fun to buy noisy toys for, knowing you will not have to deal with aforementioned noise on a daily basis).
Office Party: Pretend that Santa is there and if you don’t behave, there are no presents. He is ALWAYS watching.
Presents: I bet someone bought Mary and Joseph a nice Bonds growsuit and a rattle when Jesus was born. It’s all part of the history of Christmas.
Queens Address: The tradition of watching the Queens Christmas Day message on the ABC after a big day of eating and drinking is age old. i.e. You only watch this if you are over the age of 80.
Roast: This might be Australia but there is nothing like a good roast (or three – pork, turkey, beef) on Christmas Day, I don’t care how hot it is.
Sport: Whether it’s cricket on the beach after a big meal or the Boxing Day test on the tele after a big day, you should attempt some exercise to work off the calories of Christmas. Remote control navigation is acceptable.
Tinsel: Very pretty, but ten bucks says you’ll be finding sparkly bits of plastic around your house ‘til winter. Stick to lights and baubles.
Underrated: The passion of Boxing Day sales shoppers. If you can’t go hard, go home. It really isn’t safe for the uninitiated.
Visitors: No one says you have to clean up for the visitors and relatives that will come by over the Christmas period. Remember, they are guests in YOUR home and should be accommodating.
Wallet: This will be considerably lighter come January. Stock up on food Christmas Day so you can make it through January on two minute noodles.
X: (insert scary sounding drug name here): Take ‘time out’ and deep breaths at regular intervals over the course of the big day. Avoid X (scary sounding drug name).
Yuletide: No one actually knows what this means. That includes me.
Zoo: What some houses look like on Christmas Day. Or where some people would like to send people they have to spend Christmas Day with.
