I’ve noticed this pattern, not just in others, but in myself too.
We let other people’s beliefs control us, sometimes without even realising it. It’s like we’re walking around with invisible chains — family, friends, society — they all tell us how we *should* live. “Don’t do that, it’s too risky.” “Stick with what’s practical.” And soon enough, we’re living by rules that aren’t even our own.
What really gets me is how easy it is to use those judgments as a crutch. We let them become the excuse for why we don’t step up and own who we are. It’s like, “Oh well, I can’t be myself because they’ll judge me,” and that lets us off the hook. We point the finger at others and say, “This is why I’m stuck.” But here’s the truth — when we do that, we’re choosing to settle. We’re letting other people’s opinions run the show, and we convince ourselves that’s just the way life goes.
I’ve been there. I’ve felt that pull to play it safe, to stay within the lines someone else drew for me. It’s comfortable, but it’s also suffocating. I used to ask myself, “What if they’re right? What if I fail?” And I’d retreat, shrinking back into a version of myself that felt false. And the thing is, you don’t get to feel alive living like that — you end up numb, disconnected, frustrated as hell.
What I realised, though, is that other people’s beliefs aren’t the problem. We are. We let those beliefs stop us because we’re scared to own our truth. It’s easier to play small and blame someone else than to take responsibility for living authentically. But if you’re willing to own that, if you’re ready to stop hiding behind the fear of judgment, you start to see that those beliefs as not the holier than thou. They’re not fact. They’re not rules. They’re someone else’s story.
There’s power in that shift. When you stop blaming others and take responsibility for your choices, you realise you’ve been settling for less than you deserve. Living authentically isn’t about making sure everyone approves or agrees. It’s about knowing what’s true for you and standing by it, even when it makes others uncomfortable.
But let’s not sugarcoat it — people will push back. They will have opinions. They will judge. That’s their opportunity to take a look at themselves and not for you to try and get them all on your side. You don’t have to fight or prove anything to them. You just have to decide that your life is your own, and you’re done wasting time pretending it’s not. Because when you live by someone else’s beliefs, you’re not just betraying yourself. You’re giving away your power.
Living authentically means taking that power back, no matter who tries to pull you in another direction. It’s not about being reckless or defiant for the sake of it. It’s about being real, raw, and unapologetically yourself. And yeah, it’s not always going to be easy, but it’s a hell of a lot better than living in accordance with someone else’s preferred way that you live.
When you finally show up as who you are, you’ll realise that being authentic isn’t just some buzzword. It’s the only way to really live.
Kat John is the author of Authentic, available now: https://katjohn.com.au/authentic-book/
Feature article by Kat John.
