Dear stranger,
You might not remember me, but I sure remember you.
The other night, a few minutes after meeting me and a mere 15 seconds into our “conversation”, you commented that I have large hips.
I’m usually pretty quick-witted with my comebacks but your remark rendered me speechless, which trust me, is no mean-feat. As I stood there for a few seconds, eyes almost bulging out of my head, I managed to spit out something along the lines of did you actually just say that to me. Your mate pretty quickly realised the effect your words had and tried to defuse the situation, but you seemed to have trouble grasping the concept that I really didn’t appreciate what you’d just said.
I’m lucky to have the world’s best friends who wanted to punch you in the dick. I’m lucky that they know me well enough to know what to say to make me feel better. A lot of other girls don’t have that luxury though and that’s my main issue with this whole situation. Your throw-away comment come flying out of your mouth with absolutely no second thought – would you honestly say the same thing to your sister? To your partner? To your friends? Do you know how many girls turn to self harm due to their insecurities in their bodies, in their appearance? Do you know how many girls end their lives because of how low their self-esteem is? I wonder if you would have chosen those words if you did.
You know those people that preach body confidence and love and all that jazz? Yeah, well they’re great, but the reality for most girls is that notion lasts for about 24 hours before something knocks us back down to earth again. No matter how many people tell us that it’s okay to not look like a Victoria’s Secret Supermodel, we’ll still struggle with our body image which has a really unfortunate correlation to what we think about our self-worth. I really wish I didn’t care, I wish I could have laughed off your comments and not thought about it for one second more. I’ve struggled with my body image for most my life, quite honestly as most girls do. And no matter how hard I train, no matter how healthy a lifestyle I live, the reality is I’ll still always hate my boobs, dislike the size of my thighs and wish my stomach was flatter. And you, my friend, making flippant comments about the size of my hips, really does not help.
I asked my 28 year old brother the next day whether he thinks it’s okay, or a compliment, to comment on the size of a girl’s hips. He sort of snorted at me like that was a pretty idiotic question, so my faith in the male human race was slightly restored. I have confidence in the fact you’re in a minority who thinks it’s okay to comment on someone’s appearance in that way and I have faith that maybe you’ll think twice about it in future, but I really need you to understand why it was a dick thing to say.
So although you may not have meant any offence by your comment, or somehow believed it was a compliment, your flippant words will continue to pray on the insecurities us girls have within ourselves. And, unfortunately, until mainstream media stops plastering photos of perfectly healthy celebs in bikinis on the front of magazines making reference to their “incredible weight gain!”, until guys stop expecting girls to look like, or to act like, something out of a porno and until guys – and girls – stop commenting on the appearance of others, our insecurities will continue to grow.
I’m going to leave you with a piece of friendly advice from me to you – next time you want to ‘compliment’ a girl, just tell her she has pretty eyes.
Love Morgan (and my large hips)
