By Jonathan Howcroft
Pants, boxers, briefs, jockeys, skivvies, scuds, smugglers, grundies, y-fronts, underchunders, beetles, daks or grits. However you appoint your weapon of choice, all face the same unenviable task of providing the first layer of coverage to men’s most cherished possessions. The undergarment supplies a soft barrier between arse and denim, cradles the future of mankind, guards Frank & Beans from the evil clutches of the zipper and camouflages certain humiliation. The pant is a 365 day a year all-rounder. Go without for even a short amount of time and its value (amongst other things) is there for all to see.
Who wears the pants?
When it comes to actually choosing underwear, men should address their own comfort but remain mindful of a further consideration. Aside from the wearer, daks will normally have an audience of one. Along with a man’s choice of fragrance and beard growth, underwear should be as much the prerogative of the partner in the presence of the disrobing as the disrober himself. If you need convincing, look at most male underwear ads and ask yourself who they are targeting? David Beckham, oiled and ripped in his Armani briefs, is employed to encourage men’s partners to rush out and purchase expensive underwear in the hope they convert their men into similar objects of desire – not because men are inspired by the helium-voiced Adonis’ waxed thighs.
Shock Jocks – a warning
Traditional boxer shorts are pointless. They look immature, provide no support and fail to satisfy either of the core requirements of the brief.
Similarly, generic briefs (the kind your mum bought you as a kid) should be avoided. They look disturbingly juvenile and are impossible to fit correctly with hair and sack-cloth escaping from all sides.
And if it needed saying, novelty pants can provide a cheap laugh now and again but don’t invest heavily in thongs, posing pouches or silk boxers unless you have a handlebar moustache, chest-hair and a subscription-only website.
Touching Cloth
Fortunately, the primary considerations of style and comfort have been adopted by most leading manufacturers of men’s underwear. Through the industry revolution of the ‘90s (think CK) it is now default for pants to be offered in one of two comfortable, flattering styles: the tight boxer and the tailored brief. These are manufactured predominately in cotton with varying levels of Lycra, ensuring a snug, flattering fit while maintaining the basics of comfort and support.
This makes purchasing underwear the easiest of style-appropriating tasks. The plentiful options available and large margin for error also means pants are a legitimate gift request. To make things even more straightforward most department stores gather men’s underwear into an easy to navigate section of the store where you can browse at leisure without fear of accidentally crossing into the women’s lingerie aisles.
Buying
The design and manufacture of most popular styles is so similar that there is little or no performance benefit related to cost. Paying more just means a more identifiable logo on the waistband. Depending on your audience, this may justify some added expense.
Whilst white is the most prevalent colour in underwear advertisements, it is the least durable and practical of colours in the real world. Even the most fastidious of gentlemen is likely at some time during the lifespan of their jocks to pollute them with some accidental deposit of bodily fluid. White displays these mishaps more vividly and for longer than the alternatives. Also, as underwear requires regular washing, white will tire more demonstrably and at a faster rate.
It is important that men also purchase underwear specifically for sport. The tighter short-styles are unsuitable for some activities as they do not provide sufficient support. Dedicated sport briefs are available but standard elasticated versions should suffice.
Where to buy
All major department stores such as Myer and David Jones stock large ranges of great men’s underwear. But for brilliant men’s underwear, that is 100% made in Australia and that doesn’t compromise on style or comfort, you cannot beat Aussie Bum. Find out more about Aussie Bum here.
