Having a healthy relationship with your significant other takes a lot of hard work. And when we’ve decided to disagree, and divorce or break up, we have to remember that when there are children involved, it will affect them more than it will last. Their initial reactions will be of shock, anger, or sadness, but it’s also important to remember that they could come out of the other side better in many ways. When you’re helping your child through a divorce, you’ve got to make sure that they are not feeling the effects like you and your partner are. How can you help your children?
Handling Their Reactions
You’ve got to be prepared to answer many questions. They may worry about where they’re going to school, if they’ll have to move, if they will be able to see their friends, and so on. And you’ve got to be prepared to answer these questions honestly. Because there are so many things that you don’t want your child to see during this process, you may feel the temptation to limit your answers or bend the truth. And this is not fair on them. The divorce may be messy, and if a child custody lawyer or legal specialist is involved, you will have plenty of your own thoughts about your partner. But you have to communicate that you recognise their feelings about the situation. Some children don’t react right away, which is okay. But be prepared to give them as much information about what will happen as possible.
Being Consistent
This is the most important thing that you can do to minimise your child’s anxiety during the process. You have to work with your partner, no matter the situation. The fact of the matter is that if there are issues that you have grave concerns about, it will be for the court to decide. The best thing you can do throughout this is too to encourage one-to-one time with each parent. You have to accommodate your ex and make sure that you are both able to keep the same parenting approaches where possible. If your children have the same schedule with both parents, this will minimise stress, and reduce their vulnerability to risky behaviours. It’s important to look out for behavioural changes. It depends on their age. Sometimes they can regress to young behaviours, or they may repress their emotions.
Helping Your Children
Your children will be going through a period of grieving. You will as well, and many children hold the hope of the parents getting back together. But over time everybody will come to accept the new situation. You need to encourage your children to be honest, offer support but also make sure that you are keeping yourself healthy as well. It’s so easy to resort to blaming, especially during a difficult breakup. But you have to keep the divorce separate, especially when you are both in front of your children.
It is not easy, but you have to remember that your child is the priority.
