If conceiving naturally has been difficult for you – as it is for many couples around the world – it can be a huge comfort to know that there are other options available to you – such as IVF (in vitro fertilization). It is not something anyone ever hopes that they will have to go through – the process can be expensive, painful and have many emotional highs and lows.
If you are someone supporting a couple going through the process of IVF, it can be difficult too. Very few people know what to say or do to be supportive, and often, nothing is said. It is understandable; after all, if you do not say anything, you cannot accidentally hurt someone by saying or doing the wrong thing.
However, as well-intentioned as that may be, it can leave the person or the couple going through IVF feel alone and isolated. They may already be worried about the IVF cost, the mental hurdles and physical challenges it can bring, and if the people that they love apparently ignore it all – well, that can be painful.
Here, we look at some of the ways that you can support a friend through their IVF journey.
Don’t suggest adoption as an alternative
Adoption is a wonderful thing, but for a couple who are desperate to conceive and birth their own child, it is no substitute. It discounts their feelings and desires for their own child and can be very hurtful. It is also worth noting that adoption is not a suitable or viable option for many people for various reasons.
Empathise that it must be a really difficult thing to go through
A little bit of empathy can go a long way. Do not pretend to know how they feel because even if you have been in that situation or a similar one yourself, the way you felt is not necessarily the same way that they feel. Instead, say something along the lines of ‘I don’t know how you feel but it must be really hard’, and most importantly, ask them if they are okay – and listen to their answer.
Don’t suggest it will happen if and when they relax
This is one of the worst things that you can say! Sometimes, when the pressure is off a couple find that they are able to conceive but it is also important to remember that infertility is a medical issue. Also, someone going through IVF is going to find it very difficult to relax – it is an expensive, challenging and intrusive procedure.
Suggest fun activities to do when they feel up to it
While IVF will take up a significant part of their lives, there may be times when they don’t want to think or talk about it, so have some fun activities planned for these occasions. Whether that’s a spa break, a chilled out evening with snacks in front of a movie or a day out shopping – something to take their minds off it can be a welcome relief from the intensity of the process.