Life as a single parent is never going to be an easy feat. It’s something every person has their own thoughts about and relationship to, and even when you’ve been a single parent for a long time, the challenge of raising kids alone never quite goes away.
If that’s the kind of future you’re staring down right now, let us be the first ones to tell you that while life is going to change, it doesn’t have to collapse and feel hopeless. Being a single parent is more possible than ever.
Learning to juggle everything involved, however, is going to be difficult. It’s going to take time, and you might never feel quite used to it or like you’re getting on top of it. However, it’s something you need to take on right now, otherwise the stress and emotional strain may never become something you feel you can handle.
So check out the guide below. Adjusting to your new life and everything that might bring with it won’t be possible in a day, but you can soon find a balance that works for you.
Start with Your Budge
A lot of the stress around divorce stems from financial health and how it might change. The moment you realize you’re headed for a separation, the first thing you’re going to think about is how to put food on the table. Kids are expensive, and when you have to pay for them on top of monthly bills, vacations, and emergency situations, the future can feel pretty dire.
So start with your budget. Get the hard work and hard decisions out of the way first. Once this is done, you’ll actually be able to relax a little – especially if you get the chance to prove to yourself that you’re not going to immediately slip into debt!
Take your old budget sheet and see what’s stacking up. For the immediate future you may have to cut back on a few of the non-essentials until you get used to living on a primarily sole income.
You’ll be entitled to child support payments, of course, but this won’t be money you can use outside of your children’s needs. If you don’t know what child maintenance you’re going to get, do some research, talk to your ex partner, and don’t be afraid to take it to court.
Give Yourself Time to Grieve
The end of a relationship is a hard thing to get through. Even if you feel no more love for the person you were with, adjusting to life as someone single takes time, tears, and a lot of effort. You’ve been in a relationship for so long you might have even forgotten what it’s like to be single, and that feeling can bring on panic that makes your breath catch in your throat.
However, you shouldn’t let this panic response dictate what you do next. You need to take time to face down the grief you feel over the end of this relationship. Processing it is the best way to enable yourself to move on, without a heavy heart, and to realize what it is you do want from a new partner.
It’s easy to fall into bad habits when it comes to meeting new people, and if you’re always accidentally looking out for the traits your ex had, you might just end up with a case of history repeating itself! Give yourself time to grieve and move on, and try to use some of this time to focus on you and the kids.
Try to Keep Up with Your Usual Routine
As a single parent, it can be easy for things to feel like they’re slipping out of your grip. As a result, your usual routine may become sporadic and end up looking very different. You might even find it hard to keep up with the day’s events and what your kids need.
However, this is all very normal, and you shouldn’t feel bad about not having the same energy or motivation you did have when you had someone else helping out around the house. If it’s just you and the kids at the moment, you’re going to be down a pair of hands, even if you’ve got a pretty strong custody arrangement to depend on.
But seeing as you want to keep things as normal for the kids as possible, keeping up with your usual routine is the best thing to try out here. Things don’t have to be exactly the same, and you can switch up a few things to make it easier on you (such as bathtimes and bedtimes), but try to help the kids keep up with the good habits they’ve spent all this time building.
Let Friends in When They Offer
Being a single parent often feels like you’re alone against the world. You’ve got the kids behind you and relying on you, but now it’s totally up to you what goes on in your lives. That can be a big responsibility to try and come to terms with, especially if your ex partner is being a little difficult regarding how they think parenting should work.
That’s why, when your friends come to you with offers to babysit or cook you a meal or clean the house, or simply to sit with you for a bit and have a coffee, let them in. Let them come in and help out, take some time to have a chat, and let the cheer back into your life. It’s not a bad thing to need this help, and if someone is offering it, you’re definitely not putting them out about it!
Come Up with a Parenting Plan
A parenting plan lays out in clear and certain terms what the two of you are entitled to do as parents now that you’re separated. You can use this to stipulate who has custody and when, as well as how flexible either of you are allowed to be in changing this custody arrangement (such as whether you can cancel last minute, and which reasons are acceptable for this).
You can also use this document to outline your approaches to parenting. Include anything that could become a topic of contention in this plan. For example, what chores the kids do when they’re at either house, how much ‘junk food’ they’re allowed to eat, if you can go on day trips without asking the other parent, etc.
Don’t leave any of these decisions up in the air until the moment you need to act on them; doing so could make your divorce proceedings even more complicated.
Make Plenty of New Friendships with Single Parents
Now that you’re a single parent, it’ll be good to surround yourself with other single parents. If you do, you get to see that life goes on and becomes even happier – the proof is literally standing right in front of you!
Single parent friends can be lifesavers. They can help you get to grips with what you need to do while life is changing around you, and they can definitely be a shoulder to cry on after having an argument with your ex.
They’ve been through it all and know exactly what it is you’re going through, and they’ll be more than happy to help when you need a little bit of that specialized empathy.
If You Need Time Alone, Take Some
Single parents are more likely to experience burnout than those in relationships. When you’re the one person your kids can come to, and you’re the one the school is going to call out of work to come and pick them up when they’re ill, you’re going to feel overstretched.
If it’s your turn for custody, and you want to keep up with your parental responsibilities to try and maintain a sense of normalcy, this feeling is going to become very familiar to you.
If it becomes too familiar, however, you’re going to need to take some time alone and apply a little bit of self care. Even if you just get an hour without having to worry what the kids are doing, if they’re OK, or what your ex is saying about you, you’re going to be able to unload some of that stress. Don’t be afraid to take this time – it’s good for you!
Are You Adjusting to Life as a Single Parent?
If you’re a recently single parent, don’t be afraid to admit you’re struggling. It’s OK to need help right now, and it’s OK to rely on people, even when you feel guilty for not being able to keep it all together. Parents are still allowed to have feelings too!
Plus, the more you let it out, the less you’re going to bottle things up and let them overwhelm you. You’re going to still have a bad day here and there, but the kids are still going to love you the same, and you’re going to be able to move on in the end.
