It wasn’t too long ago that dating was a formal event. It was classified and functioned like what we think of today as “courtship”. Remember the scene in The Godfather where Michael Corleone is on a date and his girlfriend’s aunts were behind them, chaperoning? That was how dating was for your grandparents. Now, decades deep into the twenty-first century, things are a bit different. Technology and an understanding of interpersonal relationships have shaped the dating scene so much that it’s nearly unrecognizable from the generations prior.
Here are 6 key ways in which dating has shifted, morphed, and in some cases, died out.
1. Rise of Text
We’re glued to our phones. If you’re reading this, chances are you’re doing so on a smartphone. That’s not a bad thing, but we have to recognize that how we communicate has drastically changed. Our first introduction is usually online. Dating apps? DMs? Comments? Those are the new playing fields. Nowadays we can get girls over text and chat. We’ve come to see the animated ellipses that pop up when someone is typing as an indicator of interest. We looked at the time between comments as social proofing. We out-alpha potential challengers with witty responses and plays on words. The modern playing field is nothing like it was in the past.
2. You’re Not The Only One
If you’re in the dating game and you’re casually seeing someone, you cannot, under any circumstances, assume you’re the only one they’re seeing. Most of us hear that and think: “oh yeah, I knew that. It’s no big deal.” You know that’s a lie. There’s always going to be a bit of an ego sting that comes with playing numbers games. The trick is to keep people at their word and control expectations. You’re the prize. You’re secure. You’re only out here to control the only thing you can: yourself. The quicker you internalize that, the more you’ll start to see success in the modern dating game.
3. Who Pays For What?
30 years ago, it was understood that the man or the more “masculine” individual would pay for meals and entertainment. That was a given. The alpha, in control and in-charge, threw around money as a very clear social proof. Back then, that was still incredibly attractive. But with the rise of money-sharing apps, the great debate about financial etiquette is back in play. The old model is still about 75% there. People still throw around money. People still pay for meals and entertainment. But now, your date can pay you back in an instant. The show of cash is now solely about the expression of wealth. But trust us, she’ll Venmo you back by the next day. Of course, there are still relationships that are solely built on the exchange of payment in some shape or form although, as this person who got into an arrangement with Sophie Kovic my Sugar baby found out, this isn’t always as simple as it appears on the surface.
4. Ghosting Strangers
Because we rarely date without social circles anymore, choosing instead to flirt with strangers on the internet, we don’t have to face as many social consequences as we did in the past. If we miscalculate a phrase or tell an off-color joke that falls flat, we don’t have to show up to work the next day with our tail between our legs, sweating over the date you had with your coworker. Now, you can just ghost people. We’ve all been ghosted. Somehow, the streams of delectable dopamine-inducing texts stop and the devil-may-care emojis stop coming. It’s a move that was previously reserved for GIs in ports of call. Now we’re all capable of doing it.
5. Dating Fatigue is a Thing
Because there’s so much going on, people develop increased anxiety over the idea of dating. This has been coined “dating fatigue”. No other time in history has so many people being inundated with so much data on potential mates. We’re always in a state of “more”. We could be talking to someone perfectly wonderful and still thinking about match number two from last Thursday. Because of this, some individuals are experiencing a kind of odd tension around even the idea of dating.
6. Identity Over Spontaneity
Spontaneity is dead. It was big in the ’90s. Now it’s all about identity. What do you stand for? What are you all about? What’s your stance on things? Things tend to be a lot more predictable this time around. We have very little surprises up our sleeves. The biggest surprise anyone could pull is saying they don’t use social media. Even then, it’s usually met with: “well, what are you hiding?”
Courtship has evolved into “casually dating”. The hand-written letter has evolved into tweets. Over the years, everything changed. Imagine trying to explain to your grandfather that you’re seeing multiple people and switching them out so often that you’ve lost track of who you were talking to just last week. He’d probably laugh. He probably still wouldn’t get it.
