At 36 weeks pregnant I am reaching the end of my first pregnancy, and feel qualified to share what I’ve learnt. No doubt, the final few weeks and the birth will provide more lessons, but pregnancy is a roller coaster of emotions and experiences that deserve to be shared.
For those of us fortunate enough to fall pregnant shortly after deciding to try, it can be a bit of a shock when you realise that you are indeed expecting. The shock and disbelief is the first part of realising that your life will never be the same. That phrase ‘your life will never be the same’ is used a lot but later in pregnancy you realise that it is the most true statement one can say about pregnancy and parenting.
On finding out I was pregnant
When I realised I was pregnant, I’d been told by an OBGYN just two weeks before, that I couldn’t be pregnant as I wasn’t ovulating. So I left it a long time before I did the test, and the day I did it was Father’s Day 2014. My husband and I had been out to a gala ball with my work the night before and I just had a feeling. So I did the test, stared at the positive result, and walked out to the kitchen where I just stared at my husband. I cried a bit, I was in disbelief, and we were both in shock. We had a number of things to do that day, a breakfast and my brother-in-law’s 30th birthday celebrations. Going about your day when you have just learned there is going to be a tiny human being in your life in about 9 months is strange. I thought that I must have to do something more than just pee on a stick to confirm it, but the test is 99% accurate so it’s real. No one tells you this, but you do feel like it’s just a little bit strange.
On going to work in early pregnancy
The first few weeks after finding out you are pregnant are a blur. I’m normally very resilient, capable and some would stay stubborn. I like to do things my way, and on my own. In the first two weeks, I called my husband probably twice a day to check it was real, like pinching your arm when you think you are dreaming. Then, I had to race to hospital to be checked out as I was really unwell. It took 24 hours until we realised we both had food poisoning. But we saw the tiny little baby on the ultrasound and I knew then I was definitely not dreaming. I pushed through the nausea, tiredness and constantly needing to eat and kept working, not taking a single day off. I had a long commute in the car at this stage and survived by eating a box of crackers and drinking a litre of soda water. No one tells you that you’ll need to wipe the crumbs off your clothes when you get out of the car.
Telling friends and family
Telling your family, especially parents that don’t have any grandchildren yet, is a true highlight. Most of your friends will be ecstatic, especially if they don’t know you were trying. Then you realise you have months and months until anything else happens and while your friends and family are excited, they quickly get caught up in their own lives. You can feel then like it doesn’t really matter to them anymore. Your partner doesn’t experience the same symptoms and may not be thinking about the pregnancy as often as you. No one tells you that pregnancy can be lonely sometimes.
The second trimester
The nausea didn’t stop for me until about 14 weeks, but what a relief when it did. As many will tell you, it’s not just in the morning, it’s all day and made worse by movement and lying down. There is no escape. So when you reach the second trimester, you are excited to be past the scary stage and you think “I’ll be able to relax and enjoy it now”, but what a fool you are. This is the point where you realise, that now you may be able to worry a little bit less about the health of the baby, but you will never stop worrying about the child, and that nothing will ever be the same. No one tells you that you’ll never stop worrying again, and that you’ll realise this during pregnancy.
Pain
I have hip dysplasia, a condition that means my hips are not formed properly, and while it’s mild, I’ve been experiencing pain when walking, sitting and standing for the best part of two years. I knew pregnancy wouldn’t be helpful, but I wasn’t really prepared for the amount of pelvic pain the pregnancy would add to my existing situation. I’ve had weeks where I’ve had very little pain and been able to complete a 4km fun walk, and weeks where I’ve nearly been back onto my crutches just to get around the house. Now at 33 weeks, the pain in my ribs especially when sitting, or in my stomach after eating is pretty intense. It’s tiring, it’s annoying, and to some extent, there is nothing you can do. And I’ve now realised that many women experience intense pelvic pain but no one tells you this.
Emotions
The way I’d describe the emotional state of pregnancy is varied. Sometimes I can feel so relaxed and happy, and other times I want it to be over. Some women love it, some hate it, and many of us are in between. I felt there was a perception that pregnancy was a time where women just flourished, and felt loved, and connected to their babies. I think it’s important that women share their truth, the experience they have, so that women planning a family can be emotionally prepared. What I’ve learnt, I’ve shared.
I think the reason you learn so many new things, is that women often forget what they’ve experienced as they focus on the current stage of their pregnancy. Even now, I think back to the early morning sickness and wonder if it was really that bad. But at the time, I didn’t think I could cope with just one more hour or one more day of it. Women represent more than 50% of the people here on Earth; we are a community. If more women felt supported, had adequate access to a variety of information, then maybe they would feel more confident and comfortable throughout their pregnancies.
