For years, the 14th of February has been a day where people express their romantic feelings for another via letters, cards, gifts or other messages, often anonymously, as a mark on St Valentine’s Day. But why is there such a perceived importance to celebrate this day?

Dr Gian Gonzaga

Above: Dr Gian Gonzaga, relationship expert and director of research at eHarmony Labs

According to Dr Gian Gonzaga, relationship expert and director of research at eHarmony Labs, we are ingrained to seek and create close relationships as part of our evolved history. “Celebrations of relationships like Valentine’s Day in some way are a natural result of this,” he said. It also has much to do with our emotional link to feelings of excitement and anticipation as we approach and celebrate this universal day of love. “Days like Valentine’s Day allow us to display, in a public way, the feelings and emotions we have for another,” said Dr Gonzaga.

Despite this, we should be mindful not to place too much importance on a single day in the year. With over 15 years experience in research and studying relationships, Dr Gonzaga believes that relationship building should take place frequently throughout the year. “It’s always good to celebrate relationships but it shouldn’t all be about Valentine’s Day. It’s important to work on it year out and really show how committed you are to your partner,” he said. Dr Gonzaga advises that we should rather think of Valentine’s Day as a prompt to make special efforts with a loved one on a frequent basis. “Valentine’s Day is a good reminder to think about what other things you want to show your partner. You have to let them know how you feel about them and how an ongoing relationship can work. It’s important to show an ongoing commitment,” he said.

Of course, a Valentine’s Day gift or date can reflect on the effort put into a relationship but Dr Gonzaga believes this rule applies to all gifts and gestures received by a loved one. In saying this, there is also far too much emphasis placed on the price of a gift these days. “You need to find something meaningful. It will show your unique understanding of your partner which can show that you get them,” he said. And this apparently displays a clear signal to your partner that the relationship is solid and going somewhere.

For those who feel bitter about Valentine’s Day, Dr Gonzaga says we must realise that it really is only one day in the year. “It’s about how much importance you decide to place on the day,” he said. For singles or non-romantic couples, he suggests that it might be good timing to reflect on what you want from a relationship or simply to ask yourself what you want to do with your life. “Make it an opportunity to seek out new ways to find a relationship,” said Dr Gonzaga. He suggests that the best way to spend the day is to do something that you really enjoy, regardless of whether you are in a relationship or not. “Because we’re so caught up in the romantic side of things, we often forget about friends and family members that we could be building relationships with. This can be an alternative way to spend the day with the ones you care about,” he said.

For those who are keen and on the lookout for a new relationship, perhaps Valentine’s Day is the perfect excuse to seek it. Dr Gonzaga suggests that if you are looking for a new relationship then there are plenty of alternative ways to seek them. Especially with the option of internet dating, and services such as eHarmony, it can provide fertile ground to meet people looking for the same things in a relationship. “Remember that there are alternate ways to look for a new relationship. Think about new ways to meet people because there are so many more options available than a bar or a nightclub.”

Katia Loisel Furey

Above: Katia Loisel-Furey, dating and body language expert

Dating and body language expert, Katia Loisel-Furey, believes that we place an importance on Valentine’s Day because deep down, we love an excuse to get romantic. “Women especially like to celebrate Valentine’s Day and it seems to be a day that women, in particular, value,” she said.

As co-author of How to Get the Man You Want/ How to Get the Woman You Want, Ms Loisel-Furey knows a thing or two when it comes to the importance of celebrating Valentine’s Day. “While celebrating Valentine’s Day is not necessarily crucial for relationship building, it is a good excuse to spend some quality time with a loved one,” she said. Ms Loisel-Furey suggests that while it is more ideal to spend one special day every week with your partner, as opposed to one day in the year, she notes that Valentine’s Day forces people to take time out and spend it together. “Sometimes people need to be forced. In the busy lives we lead, it is important to spend the day free of distractions,” she said.

Roses

Of course, the key to keeping the spark in a relationship is to make continual special efforts throughout the year, instead of placing all the emphasis on Valentine’s Day. “When we place all the importance on one day, it can put pressure on our expectations. And even the most romantic gesture may not reflect your expectations,” advises Ms Loisel-Furey. To overcome this, it would be better to regularly set aside a date night or a date ritual with a partner where you can re-connect on a romantic level and get to know each other again. “We don’t get to do this often enough and it is important to show the other person that you care,” she said.

If you’re feeling pressure to celebrate Valentine’s Day, then is there also added pressure on the gift you purchase or the date you choose? According to Ms Loisel-Furey, the reflection of a gift or date choice all depends on the person. “Some people don’t care about Valentine’s Day and aren’t into it. But even if you’re not, it is a good excuse to do something special,” she said. When it comes to selecting a gift or date, Ms Loisel-Furey suggests getting a gift that the other person will like or taking the time to find out what they would like. “We all value time and effort taken to choose something that the other person will appreciate. This will really show that you care,” she said.

And forget about spending up big. “Valentine’s Day has become a bit over-commercialised and it’s become a lot about money. Love doesn’t come with a price-tag.” For those in relationships, Ms Loisel-Furey suggests thinking of something nice to do for your other half, whether it means lighting some candles at the dinner table or simply spending the entire weekend together. “Do something that doesn’t cost anything but can have a big impact on the effort you’ve put in,” she said.

For singles, newly singles or those couples who aren’t particularly romantic, Ms Loisel-Furey suggests focusing on something positive. “Often it comes down to pressure on Valentine’s Day if you are single and most people don’t want that as a reminder. People can be happily single,” she said. But regardless, the day is undoubtedly a good opportunity to get out and connect with the people that make you feel better about yourself. “Valentine’s Day is about the celebration of love but it doesn’t have to be romantic love. Spend it with friends that you love or doing something you enjoy,” said Ms Loisel-Furey. And the possibilities are endless on how you can spend the day. The key is to do something different and enjoyable and take the time out for yourself. “For the people who feel hard done-by on Valentine’s Day, think about what you can do to feel good about yourself,” said Ms Loisel-Furey.

For gifts, date ideas and different ways to spend this Valentine’s Day check out ‘Valentine’s Day: Dates, Gifts and Good Ideas’.

Experience the eHarmony difference – www.eHarmony.com.au

Find our more about Katia Loisel-Furey – www.howtogettheoneyouwant.com

Image credit (roses): Kathryn Sprigg