Wish You Were Here

MA15+, 93mins

Directed by Kieran Darcy-Smith

There’s a joke about the Australian film industry that all of our films are about serial killers in the outback, or serial killers in suburbia, or just all sorts of other grim and grisly things that send potential tourists running to a different departure lounge. The idea of going on a tour of the dusty outback doesn’t look too appealing once you’ve watched a movie about a vacationing couple being carved up and forgotten about, does it? Wish You Were Here reverses that trend and posits all of its trauma – well, the physical stuff, anyway; emotional trauma is something else entirely – offshore as four young, attractive, affluent Sydneysiders venture to South-East Asia for a getaway and fall afoul of… well, both the audience and several central characters aren’t quite aware of what they run afoul of (bad ecstasy, perhaps?) and therein lies the mystery of this debut film of Kieran Darcy-Smith (known more for his acting in work like The Reef and The Square).

The well to do married with children couple of Dave (Joel Edgerton, The Waiting City) and Alice Flannery (Felicity Price, Unfolding Florence) live in a fabulous house on the New South Wales central coast with walls of glass and views to die for. An impromptu joint holiday with Alice’s sister, Steph (Teresa Palmer, 2:37), and her new boyfriend, Jeremy (Antony Starr, Rush), to Cambodia doesn’t end well with only three returning home and with each holding on to a hat-full of secrets and lies. What to tell the authorities? What to tell their families? And what, most of all, to tell to each other, all of whom seem to have differing versions of events and different stakes in the outcome.

Gorgeously lensed by Jules O’Loughlin (Sanctum, Kokoda), the latest film from the increasingly prolific Blue Tongue Films production house is quite a slow burn. It’s primarily a drama about the way people – seemingly mature adults – react in a time of perceived crisis, where the bond of blood and marriage isn’t enough to stop them crumbling under the weight. As written by Darcy-Smith and co-star Price one can’t help but see the more audience-baiting thriller that is itching to get out, with some scenes bordering on edge-of-your-seat territory (alas, never quite getting there). As a result, the big revelatory climax comes off as perfunctory and lacks genuine power.

Maybe that’s because Felicity Price winds up being so minimally involved. Maybe the filmmakers discovered too late into the game that Price was the glue keeping this entire film together and had already backed themselves into a corner regarding her character, or maybe just the sight of a heavily pregnant woman getting involving in sorts of crazy foreign shenanigans was deemed inappropriate. Nevertheless, whenever Price is on screen Wish You Were Here feels positively electric and it’s a genuinely special performance. Price’s development over the film, leading up to a big dramatic moment (the film’s true climax as it were), should provide casting directors with enough proof that she’s worth more than bit parts in television soap operas for a few years now.

Elsewhere, Edgerton is typically stoic as the macho patriarch, Palmer gives a performance of shifting sands that works a treat when paired with Price, and Starr does well with his characters mixed signals. Also impressive is Valerie Bader, coming off her excellent work in Black & White & Sex, in a key role that probably could have been developed further by the screenplay. Wish You Were Here opened the 2012 Sundance Film Festival and it impressed the American critics, but audiences hoping for another Animal Kingdom type of intense film will probably leave disappointed. However, as a more contemplative look at the ways unexplained tragedy plays with the emotions of people who supposedly have it all, it works.

Wish You Were Here is on national release through Hopscotch.

Two styles that you might think would act like a bitter, bickering couple if they ever got married have been brought together by another equally attractive couple.

Ben Kraus is the founder and head brewer at Beechworth’s Bridge Road Brewers and recently collaborated with the revered Kjetil Jikiun from Norway’s Nøgne Ø Brewery.

Ben flew off to Norway armed with enough Australian hops to make customs very suspicious, to combine two of his favourite elements of brewing: subtle yeast characteristics of saison and fruity bitterness of hops.

“He’s mad!” they said. I don’t know who exactly “they” were, because it was a very exciting prospect when I heard about it. Nevertheless, it’s an extremely unique combination that was sure to be an interesting brew.

The first batch was brewed over in Norway and when Ben headed back home, the first item on the agenda was brewing a local batch.

The first taste I had was at the Victorian Microbrewery Showcase held at Federation Square last October and it was most certainly an instant favourite.

The very start of the taste is a very big hop hit, which pleases the hop heads of the world, but then the saison yeast characters kick in and you get some lovely spicy esters. Once the beer warms up a little the saison quirks become more prominent.

The fresher the batch, the more in your face the hops are so whilst both the Nøgne Ø and the Bridge Road versions are fairly readily available, the local variety will have that fresh kick to it; but it’s worth trying both versions to see where the differences lie.

This beer is my tip for the Premier’s Trophy at the Australian International Beer Awards, which is awarded to the best Victorian beer.

You heard it here first.

How does it feel to be performing at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival?

It’s the third largest comedy festival but in many ways it’s the purest. Edinburgh is a free for all. Acts promote themselves and – especially in their early days – lose money doing so because it’s such a competitive field and there simply aren’t enough punters around for every show to have an audience. But you do it because you want to make a name for yourself, to prove yourself. I wouldn’t have a career without Edinburgh. Montreal is great but it’s run for the benefit of the US TV industry and people go there hoping to make deals. Melbourne isn’t tainted by anything like that. In Edinburgh and Montreal the reward is all potential, all this-could-happen stuff… but in Melbourne coming here is the reward itself. It’s not for the industry, it’s for the audience. The comics love that.

How did you break into comedy? Was it something you always knew you wanted to do, or did you somehow…fall into it?

Nobody really falls into it. You have to get up somewhere and tell jokes. Nobody does that accidentally. It’s a very deliberate action. Everyone pretty much has the same story. Do it for free and keep doing it until someone wants to pay you. That’s the only way in. But I did once tell a journalist that I witnessed a gangland killing and was put on a witness protection program with the not very undercover, undercover identity of a comedian called Dave Gorman and they believed me… so maybe I should have tried to pass that lie off on you too.

You’ve become quite the blogger. Do you like connecting with your fans and sharing your experiences?

I don’t think of myself as any different to any other blogger. I don’t sit at home typing thinking, “My fans will love this!” because that involves contemplating having fans, which is just weird. Millions of people have blogs. The vast majority of them don’t do the kind of jobs that involve “fans”… but they still blog. I’m pretty sure I’m doing it for the same reason as them. I suppose one benefit of it for my work is that it flexes a writing muscle. It’s good to write regularly, to play with ideas and have a conversation with the world.

You’re quite active on Twitter. What is it about the social media platform that you like?

The immediacy of it is great. It’s very unobtrusive. I think when people first use it there’s a honeymoon period where you think you’re supposed to use it constantly and so you’re telling people about the minutiae of your life. But then you calm down and just tweet as and when. I do a weekly radio show in the UK and when I stop to think about what we might talk about that week I often do a mental trawl of what I tweeted in the last few days because those were the things I obviously thought were worth mentioning at the time. I guess I write less in a notebook these days because putting an idea out there does the same job. I reply a lot. To everything I can. I used to get 200 emails a day. Now I get a lot less because I think that kind of communication has migrated to Twitter.

Out of all the cities in all the world, where is your favourite one to perform?

Comedians are shallow souls. We don’t like cities. We say we do but what we mean is that we like audiences. You can visit somewhere that would be considered a shit hole in any rational thought process – but if the theatre’s full and they like you, you “love that town.” I genuinely love playing in Melbourne but in the UK there’s a folk history of English comics being given a tough time in Scotland, in general, and in Glasgow, in particular. So when I started out I kind of dreaded playing there. But the reality is that they’re a phenomenal audience. They come out in their droves and they really want to have a good time.

What are your thoughts on Australia? Can you make any observations on Australian culture?

The thing that weirds me out most aren’t the differences but the similarities. On my second day here I turned on the TV at breakfast and the presenters were fawning over the royal family, reporting a Wills & Kate skiing holiday in intricate detail. This was followed by an excited report about One Direction arriving in Sydney. I looked out of the window to see that it was raining and wondered if I really had travelled 10,000 miles at all.

Just seeing the Queen’s face on the coins freaks me out. I’m not a hardcore republican but I am mystified by the reverence paid to these people by accident of birth. It’s odd enough that it happens back home… but discovering that people are doing it on the other side of the globe is even weirder.

Name the first word/thought that pops into your mind after reading these words…

Koala: Clingy

Show: Business

Nose: Job

England: My England

Book: Flights

Melbourne: Manchester with better weather

My Brother Jack by George Johnston is a book that is widely understood to be an Australian Classic. First published in 1964, it is essentially about the journey to self-realisation. It follows the lives of two brothers born and raised in the Melbourne suburbs. The younger brother is Davy – a skinny teenager who enjoys reading and the older brother is Jack – the solid reliable bloke who is the epitome of thousands of Australian men. Their life stories are by no means original, but the way Johnston has written them is.

For a start, while the title implies that it will be about Jack, the book is told from the viewpoint of Davy. It is his life that we see in detail and it is he who grows to realise the many mistakes he made during his youth. To some extent, Jack does this too, but we don’t read as much of him.

The novel is reflective, but detailed. It tells the story of so many Australian lives and it is utterly engrossing. The prose pulls you in and refuses to leave your thoughts even when you are doing something else. I’m confident saying this because it is possibly the only book I’ve read that has gotten such a positive response from people who have seen me reading it.

Every time I read this book in public – trains, public benches, city, suburbs, TAFE – people felt compelled to stop and comment.

“That’s a great read.”

“Oooh, good choice. I read that when I was your age too.”

“Great story, I can see why you’re so interested in it.”

Once, while engrossed amongst the yellowing pages of my copy from a second hand bookshop in Belgrave, I actually missed my train stop and had to spend another hour waiting for a train to take me home. Normally this would drive me crazy but with the company of My Brother Jack I barely noticed the minutes ticking by. It seems that I, just like those people who couldn’t resist commenting on it, got caught under the Johnston spell. Everyone I’ve met loves this book and whenever I mention Australian Classic Novels it is always the first to be suggested.

I can’t help but agree with everyone else. This book is definitely one that I would call an Australian Classic. Even forty-eight years after it was originally published, it still generates comments in the street and it seriously dominates in op shops. This isn’t because everyone wants to get rid of it, per se, but it does show just how many copies are floating around. I found one on my parent’s bookshelf, my TAFE library, a mainstream bookstore and over four op shops and second hand stores around Melbourne. One of my main criteria for determining whether a book is a Classic is whether it will stand the test of time. My Brother Jack has certainly done that so far, and I don’t doubt that it will continue to do so.

It is a stunning read – completely captivating. If you haven’t already, I strongly recommend you give it a go.

Switching gears from the aggressive and turbulent speed that it has been running with, Tangle becomes much more introspective during the fifth episode of the third season. After starting an escalating war with boys at a neighbouring school, Romeo (Lincoln Younes) finally feels the consequences of his actions, without any further occurrence. As he sits with a cricket bat, waiting in his house, a burden develops that engulfs Romeo and exposes him to the realisation of his actions. His relationship with his sister Gigi (Eva Lazzaro) and mother Ally (Justine Clarke) continue to be harmonious, proving evidence of maturation. After being turned down by Ally, Joe (Kick Gurry) decides to leave the house, and it is here where we see Romeo provide some genuine emotion and regret over his behaviour towards Joe.

Consequence seems to be an implicit theme of the episode. Christine (Catherine McClements) prepares for her election with her face in the papers as a happy, normal mother. In actuality, Christine’s solitary life is bleak, dark and solemn. Her controlling nature has driven her son Max (Blake Davis) and husband Tim (Joel Tobeck) away from the home emotionally adding to their physical distance. They left the home outside through circumstances out of her control, but her temperament further divides the distance even further. Her lioness, protective nature causes her to stumble, as she finds out that Nat (Kat Stewart) has been seeing the formerly (and possibly still presently) corrosive Chub (Dan Wyllie).

Nat has her own success with news of a job that would raise her profile. Wanting to celebrate, she finds herself at home with Chub, a glass of wine and in bed by midnight. Unsettled, Nat is completely unacquainted with the makings of a normal couple or family. Ultimately, she wants to celebrate with Ally and Max, but neither is interested, partly due to her recent egocentric behaviour.

Change slowly settles over the Kovac household as Ally begins a new job at Scienceworks, and has a cathartic fight with Gabriel (Matt Day). Their constant backwards and forwards relationship hits a climatic level, and it will be interesting to see where the final episode will take them.

A foreboding sense of explosion surrounds the episode thanks to Fiona Seres writing and Michael James Rowland’s exposing direction. Romeo’s actions results in tension that fuels a fascination with this exceptional series. Acting is pitch-perfect from Clarke, Stewart and McClements, with very good performances from Younes, Lazzaro and Davis.

Tangle airs 9.30pm on Sundays on Showcase.

James Madden is the founding editor of Film Blerg. He also is a Screen Editor for Farrago magazine, and has contributed to countless student and online publications. He is currently studying a Master of Arts and Cultural Management at the University of Melbourne.

I’m speaking with Sue Williams, the author of Welcome to the Outback and it is a shock when she tells me that one in four Australians never venture beyond their own city. After spending five months living tough in Australia’s backyard, Sue is hopeful that her novel, which is an enjoyable tale of her adventures, will encourage others to take the leap and see the outback for themselves.

Having previously written and published Women of the Outback in 2008, Sue realised that while she had spoken to residents about their love of the outback, she had never taken the opportunity to understand it herself. All at once, the motivation for Welcome to the Outback was born. A happy resident in a Sydney apartment, Sue is used to the city life and a trip to the country was destined to be a challenge. Motivation to carry on was shaky at times, particularly when Sue found herself faced with the prospect of riding in a seven-day cattle drive having never ridden a horse before.

Despite having to overcome the terrors of huge racehorses, boxing fights and the insipid red dust that seems to cling to you, there were many times when the outback won Sue over and showed her the beauty of the country life.

“It’s so lovely to be sitting there on a horse, looking at the landscapes and doing the same thing that Australians have been doing for hundreds of years,” she said, slowing her words as she combed through the memories. “It was such a privilege.”

The novel itself has a similarly conversational tone while still revealing a wealth of information about Australia, the locals and the culture of the outback. Everyone in this country is an Australian, but according to Sue there is a difference between the city dwellers and those living in the middle.

“People in the country are warm and welcoming while people in the city can be quite cool and unwelcoming,” she divulged. “They have quite a different life out there – they have more time and they seem to get more pleasure out of simple things. Life can be very, very difficult for them, but they just kind of cope and get on with it. That’s a lesson for city people I think. We often just whine about the most stupid things, whereas these people are living in almost frontier country and overcoming the odds… it’s quite inspiring watching them, really.”

There is a lot to love about Welcome to the Outback – chiefly its honesty. Sue doesn’t sit tight on any stories of her own embarrassments or trip-ups amongst locals and it is this that makes the read so enjoyable. Travelling to the middle of nowhere without easy access to services, fresh food or reliable Internet connections can be daunting. With Welcome to the Outback however, Sue proves that there is a culture out there that is immediately welcoming to just about anyone.

As a vegetarian and someone who doesn’t drink caffeine, an extended trip to the outback where “real pride is invested in steak” was always going to pose some difficulties.

“My publishers knew that I was the least likely person to go into the outback, so of course they suggested it… the joke was always on me!”

In a landscape where the most common meal is a hunk of steak with a cool beer, Sue found herself in many awkward situations.

“Thankfully,” she said, “the people out there all seemed to share the same cookbook from the Country Women’s Association. I had the same vegetarian lasagna so many times but it was nice the first time, the second time and third time. The people were very generous to cater to me really.”

After all, many of the residents would go out of business if everyone in the outback were vegetarian. Luckily Sue managed to survive on generous servings of porridge, vegetables, cheese and her own peppermint teabags.

There are so many great details and conversations tucked away inside this book. From the grey nomads – retirees and elderly Australians trundling around in caravans – to the young men trooping out to mining jobs, this book is filled with life. There are people in the outback who have never set foot in a city and never want to. They stick by their land through all the hardships of flood, fire, drought and economic downturn because it is their home and they love it.

“For one person I met, the outback is anywhere the handshake is a little stronger and the smile a little longer,” she commented. “It’s true really. You know you’re in the Outback when you are driving along and you see another driver drive towards you and you wave, and then they wave back.”

Apparently there is something intrinsically nicer about people in the outback. Perhaps it’s the stories around the campfires or the heavier reliance on animals or the slow, steady stream of travelers passing through. Welcome to the Outback is a book that understands the heart of Australia and isn’t afraid to share it.

Megan Harrison with Onya Magazine Beauty Editor, Holly Curtis

Megan began the boutique Megan Harrison Makeup Classes after noticing a gap in the market for individualised, personal and intensive makeup lessons that allowed the student to learn and experience a variety of different makeup brands – a real benefit. “If you want to learn how to apply your own makeup, you could go to a makeup counter and have a lesson. The downside is that you’re only being exposed to one single brand of products. By taking a personal class at MHMC, you’re getting access to makeup and skincare products and tools from over 12 different brands,” said Megan.

You will walk away with not only a new artillery of makeup skills and tips, but a philanthropic buzz knowing that $10 from every course fee goes straight to either Animals Australia, Look Good Feel Better, or The Smith Family.

Oxfam Trailwalker originated in Hong Kong in 1981 as a military training exercise for Nepalese soldiers serving in the Queen’s Ghurkha Signals Regiment, an arm of the British Army. These soldiers were known for being fierce, brave and extremely fit (and for carrying very large knives).

Today, the Oxfam Trailwalker is one of the world’s largest fundraising endurance challenges, driving teams of four people to walk, run (or crawl) a 100 km course, over rough and uneven terrain, irrespective of weather conditions, in under 48 hours.

This year, it is anticipated that over 22,000 people (sans knives) will ‘walk the trail’ across the globe to support Oxfam. Between 20 April and 22 April 2012, approximately 2800 competitors will attempt to complete the event in Melbourne.

Two. Thousand. Eight. Hundred. People. Willingly pushing their bodies to their absolute limit. For up to two days.

At last year’s event, the fastest time to cover the Melbourne trail was 10hrs 23mins. And you’ll only achieve that time if you are a fit and experienced trailwalker. If you expect to finish in average time, add another 18 hours; the average time taken was 28 hrs 1 min. It’s hard not to wonder, ‘What was that extra minute used for?’ Snatching a minute’s sleep? Squatting in a bush? Crawling into a ball and violently sobbing?

Pushing your body to extreme limits can have its consequences. In 2006, researchers set out to measure the incidence of injury among competitors of the Oxfam Trailwalker in Hong Kong. They found that there’s a two in five chance of getting injured or requiring medical attention on the hike.

Whilst the 2012 Oxfam Trailwalker has just commenced, there is still time to impart some advice upon those of you fearless (or feckless) enough to undertake next year’s Oxfam Trailwalker challenge – or any other similar event.

1.     Have a thorough medical check up and chat to your doctor about the event.

If you have a dodgy ticker, or anything dodgy for that matter, this is really not the event for you. If you still insist on competing, make like a Nepalese soldier and take a large knife with you.

2.     Going to the gym or running on a regular basis is not considered adequate preparation.

Body pump class once a week is not considered adequate preparation. Any preparation that includes the words ‘Les Mills’ is not considered adequate preparation.

Your training regime should not consist of walking alone. You should also undertake cross training (including hill training and walking on uneven terrain), strength training, and learning the words to the Duckworth Chant. Sound off!

To avoid an overuse injury, pay attention to your technique, gradually increase your activity levels over time, and don’t exercise through pain or discomfort (discomfort may be reduced by politely asking your walking partner to stop reciting the Duckworth Chant).

3.     To stretch or not to stretch?

There is limited evidence to suggest that stretching before exercising prevents injury, but that doesn’t mean you should not stretch. Having an agile, flexible body will ensure you maintain good technique, avoid unevenly straining your body, and will allow you to reach the remote when it falls behind the couch. The best time to stretch is when muscles are warm, following exercise.

4.     Clothing

You need to pack clothing for all weather conditions. Choose well fitting, breathable items that can be layered. Leggings or bike shorts will prevent chafing between the thighs. Guys, you probably don’t want to hear this, but, putting bandaids on your nipples will prevent them from rubbing and chafing against your shirt. You’re welcome.

5.     Foot wear

I once knew someone who walked the trail wearing runners. She finished in good time, but couldn’t walk for a week. Ensure you wear appropriately fitted footwear specifically designed for trail walking, and break them in, unless you too want to wear moccasins to the office. Do not underestimate the importance of socks. Socks that limit rubbing and keep your feet dry will also help to prevent blisters. Take extra pairs to change into.

Despite your best efforts, you may still get blisters, so pack plenty of adhesive blister dressings. Also, pack something that you can bite down on when disinfectant is being applied to said blisters.

6.     If you injure yourself or physically can’t go on, stop.

While you are training and also when competing, listen to what your body is telling you and don’t ignore pain or discomfort. However, if your body is yelling ‘get me to the nearest KFC, I’m no Nepalese Ghurkha,’ you might want to keep that voice at bay. Keep an eye on your team mates for any signs of injury, dehydration or exhaustion. You are allowed to hit one another for no reason once you pass the 90km mark.

7.     Maintain energy levels

This is a loooong event. You will need to eat and drink while you race. Your body will be crying out for fuel, so think considerately about what you feed it. And hydrate.

Some proponents talk about carb loading before the event. Personally, I think that you should carb load after the event – ice-cream, chocolate, chips, cake… feed your body anything you want, you earned it.

8.     Stay positive, enjoy the experience and good luck!

It occurred to me recently that each of you has probably been sitting on the edge of your seat for the past weeks, just waiting to hear what happened at the end of my Five in Five dating experiment. In the same way a good TV show takes a break midway through the season with a cliff-hanger ending, so too did I leave you hanging on at date four, wondering if I would find my happily ever after.

You will recall my dates with Brad Pitt, Ryan Gosling, Steve Carrell and Kevin Rudd with a laugh and perhaps hoped that date number five led me to my inevitable happy ending with Prince Charming – but alas, it was not to be. The dating game continues to beat me, but here are a few reasons as to why.

As with anything in life, we must prioritise the activities we undertake each day, the things we do that make us happy and the ones we are compelled to do because of obligation or lack of ability to say no. I do all of these things. And then some.

Dating is an activity that takes up a tremendous amount of time. I’ve recently established that this is the reason married women cut their hair – they spent all those years dating and they are making up for lost time. Not only do you need to find the dates, you need to go on them. I drew the line at asking a boy to breakfast for a first date – it seemed presumptuous – but finding the time between work and my demanding single life was hard.

I (until recently) held a demanding job that didn’t allow for a lot of flexibility in cancelling on boys I just met. I might have made it to the first date but I often didn’t get the time to go on a second – especially during Five in Five when I was supposed to go on five first dates and who knows how many second dates? And then what about my friends? Where do you draw the line between seeing the ones you know you love – and the one you might?

And herein lies my predicament. How best to consider the future when the present is full and fabulous? I’m not unhappy being single, but I know the day will come when I am. As my friends, one by one, walk down the aisle, I am closer and closer to that time. Will it be just a matter of being the last one left without a dance card, or am I being independent and a master of my own destiny?

Everyone has an opinion on this. Just today a friend expressed her loneliness at her self-titled ‘spinsterhood’ at 32. In 3 years, will I be that broken and beaten at the dating game? Do I enjoy my single life too much to consider the possibility of a relationship, thus counting myself out of the game subconsciously? Are my excuses about time and energy simply a front for my inability to commit?

This led me to the simple conclusion that I am in fact a product of my generation – a Sex and the City/Friends stereotype, one who rarely has a serious relationship before the age of 30, who enjoys everything life has to offer (especially a soft spot for expensive footwear purchased with my single woman disposable income) and while I might have the odd moment of complacency when I wonder if I will be single forever, I live in the knowledge that it all worked out for Carrie, Charlotte, Miranda, Rachel, Monica and Phoebe – and even in some ways, Samantha – so why shouldn’t it work out for me?

A quote I read recently, by Thoreau, goes like this: ‘Happiness is like a butterfly; the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder…’

Every person I have ever spoken to about relationships and my eternal singledom has provided the same advice – when you stop looking; love will find you.

I don’t know the answer for the single people out there. Put yourself out there – or don’t. As long as you are happy in yourself, the person you are will attract others regardless of whether you are looking to date or not. I’d love to be able to give you a stat about the number of people who never actually marry, but I am sure the divorce rate is still significantly higher.

Good things come to those who wait.

So, I’ll wait.

Image credit: Kathryn Sprigg

Ladder

1 Hawthorn
2 Geelong
3 Carlton
4 Sydney
5 Collingwood
6 North Melbourne
7 West Coast
8 Essendon

9 Fremantle
10 Richmond
11 Adelaide
12 Melbourne
13 Brisbane
14 St Kilda
15 Bulldogs
16 Gold Coast
17 Port Adelaide
18 Greater Western Sydney

1. Hawthorn

Many footballing experts see Hawthorn as the team to beat this year and after the effort they dished up against the Pies, it seriously looks as though it will be hard to argue against that. Lance Franklin is the best player in the competition by a very, very long way. Elsewhere in the Hawks team, Jack Gunston will want to show he can play a role in the forward line after being traded from Adelaide and Sam Mitchell goes about his merry way getting touches of the footy every week. It is difficult to see the Hawks losing many games this year. They are scary, freakishly good, and coached very well. Grant Birchall, Josh Gibson, Ryan Schoenmakers and Ben Stratton form a reliable defence. Mitchell, Brad Sewell, Jordan Lewis and Cyril Rioli are a well-oiled unit in the midfield. And then of course, there’s Franklin, the colossus, standing in the forward line as if daring defenders to try to stop him. Hawthorn are my premiers for this year.

2. Geelong

Chris Scott inherited a very good football team. Geelong of course won the Grand Final last year and in doing so established themselves as a dynasty. They resigned Joel Selwood for 5 years and made him captain – the courageous midfielder is a true star of the competition. They have too many stars to name, across every line. Jimmy Bartel, Paul Chapman, Steve Johnson, Joel Corey and Corey Enright are just a sample of the talent in the Geelong stable. Young players like Mitch Duncan in the championship midfield, Allen Christensen floating around half forward and Daniel Menzel (when he returns from a knee injury) mixed with the aging stars will, in my eyes, defy the experts and push for another Grand Final berth. However, beating the Hawks looks the most difficult task this year.

3. Carlton

Carlton look set for a big one. Their #1 picks are starting to fire up after a lacklustre pre-season. Their A-grade midfield of Chris Judd, Marc Murphy, Bryce Gibbs and Matthew Kreuzer is among the best in the game. Kreuzer in particular, looks set for a gigantic year as a ruckman/forward, after taking apart the Tigers in Round 1. Speed and skill around the flanks from Chris Yarran, Heath Scotland, Andrew Carrazzo and Kane Lucas in addition to the ferocious attack from Mitch Robinson make the Blues a formidable opponent in the middle of the ground. Where they lack is their key forwards. Lachlan Henderson is passable but not the answer, and they need to find a key forward who can win them games off his own boot. A deep push into the finals for mine.

4. Sydney

Here’s where the ladder starts to look a little bit different to anyone else’s. Sydney are a huge chance to leapfrog West Coast and Collingwood. Adam Goodes is an out-and-out star of the competition and has been for a long time, and while Sydney’s playing style has long been considered dour and a little boring, players recruited in recent years like Gary Rohan, Daniel Hannebery and Sam Reid are doing their absolute best to turn around the perception of Sydney. The mixture of old heads and new ones and an extra year under their coach John Longmire should see Sydney make a dramatic rise back into the top 4.

5. Collingwood

Putting the Pies so low could be controversial. They went and got a new coach in Buckley and perhaps the club needing to get used to the new style of play will drop them down. They have put their all into the last two years and I believe they are tired. Any team with Scott Pendlebury, Travis Cloke and Dane Swan has every chance of shaking the finals, however.

6. North Melbourne

I will openly admit to a little bit of bias on this one. I know North Melbourne better than any other team. Daniel Wells could tear the competition to shreds, Drew Petrie is a contested marking machine and the young midfield brigade of Cunnington, Ziebell, Bastinac, Adams, among others, has huge scope for improvement. North Melbourne need a big year for coach Brad Scott and internally the club believes they can do it.

7. West Coast

The loss of goalsneak Mark LeCras and half forward Mark Nicoski cannot be ignored. West Coast are a great side but those two players were absolutely essential in their push for the top 4 last year. Their forward line is depleted without LeCras, and Jack Darling and Josh Kennedy will have to step up. Nick Natanui is an excitement machine to watch.

8. Essendon

Essendon are a team that if you don’t love, you despise. In saying that, they have some players who you just love to watch. Michael Hurley recently signed a 5 year deal to stay with the club, and the power forward hits packs harder than almost anyone else. Jobe Watson, Heath Hocking and younger players like Dyson Heppell and David Zaharakis are the players to take the team forward. A few years off really challenging.

9. Fremantle

Freo will need a year to adjust to Ross Lyon. Matthew Pavlich is getting old and will spend more time out of the midfield this year. Hayden Ballantyne will continue to annoy everyone in the AFL and the mangiant Aaron Sandilands is as difficult an opponent to match up on as there is.

10. Richmond

Richmond’s top 5 are magnificent. Dustin Martin, Jack Riewoldt, Trent Cotchin, Brett Deledio and Tyrone Vickery are all topflight players. The problem is that it falls away after that. Brandon Ellis and Todd Elton are two youngsters to watch.

11. Adelaide

Adelaide are coming. They’ll be good, in a few years. They have a new coach and they need to get used to that. Patrick Dangerfield is a bull of a player, and Tippett & Walker are twin towers in the forwardline. One team to watch and the winners of the pre-season competition.

12. Melbourne

It will all be for Jim Stynes this year. Unfortunately a finals berth looks unlikely. Melbourne are another club with a new coach, and they will need to adjust. Jack Trengove is a terrific choice as captain, but Melbourne need more from Jack Watts and their forward line, including new recruit Mitch Clark.

13. Brisbane

Simon Black and Jonathon Brown are two stalwarts of the Lions side. They have some great young players in Patrick Karnezis and the lethal left boot of Daniel Rich, but can’t see the Lions making the finals this year.

14. St Kilda

Another surprise. Talent everywhere with Nick Riewoldt, Brendon Goddard, Sam Fisher, Lenny Hayes.. but for some reason I don’t think they can put it together like previous years. Sorry, Saints fans.

15. Bulldogs

Again, a lot of talent in this team. The Dogs have Matthew Boyd, Ryan Griffen, Daniel Cross in a terrific midfield. Clay Smith is a young tough nut, but the Dogs aren’t good enough to make finals this year.

16. Gold Coast

Their second year in the competition. The Suns boast a wealth of talent and the incredible Gary Ablett, but they need more development. A lot to like though.

17. Port Adelaide

Port just aren’t very good. Their better players get injured a lot, and they have a lot of very average footballers. They could be considered to be rebuilding. Watch for Chad Wingard.

18. Greater Western Sydney

Their first year in the competition. They won’t win much. Callan Ward will play a huge role in the team, but this is as sure a bet as there is. Give them a while.

So there you have it! The likely scenario is a Hawthorn premiership this year, but just as likely to happen is my predictions being so wrong that it’s simply rude not to laugh at them.

Thank god the footy’s back.

Paul Foot certainly knows how to make his audience laugh.

He doesn’t even have to open his mouth. One look at his hideous trademark mullet-style hairdo and less-than-attractive leather jacket sends me into hysterics.

But there were times during his show at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival when the crowd seemed quite frightened.

The very odd-looking Brit spent much of his one-hour show wandering the aisles, getting up and close – a little too close at times – with his audience.

Foot gets ridiculously worked up about a range of insignificant topics during his show, all thought up in his overactive mind. To say he is eccentric would be an understatement.

But lying across the laps of people in the crowd and screaming into their faces is a whole other genre.

There were very few in the audience who were denied some kind of personal contact with Foot.

Whether he sat on their lap, touched their shoulder or stood on their chair, he managed to invade the personal space of most people in the jam-packed room. Their reactions were a mix of fear, delight and concern.

Foot’s humour is difficult to explain. It’s not observational, and it’s certainly not built on one-liners. To give you an idea, he acts like a highly strung, confused psychopath who gets fired up over the most insignificant topics.

He asks the crowd to use an ascending level of applause to welcome him on stage.

The group at the back of the room is asked to cheer like they have just learnt that Prussia (the historic German kingdom) will be reinstated. He wants the fans in the middle of the room to act slightly more enthusiastic – “excited, but reserved.” He suggests they act as if they’ve just learnt that Pierce Brosnan is going to open a cockerel sanctuary.

The idea of Pierce Brosnan opening a cockerel sanctuary forms the basis of his show for the next 10 minutes or so. He turns red with anger and concern about the success of this sanctuary and in his flurry of frustration he crawls through the crowd, expressing his rage.

It sounds completely strange, and not particularly funny. But that’s exactly my point.

Still Life is an insanely hyperactive whirlwind of a show that is very difficult to explain. Largely because he struggles to stay focused and goes off on rambling tangents about topics that I would struggle to say 10 words about.

My friends and I walked away with cheeks sore from laughing, but also feeling a little disturbed and concerned for his mental stability.

Despite all of this, I’d highly recommend Foot to anyone who likes to laugh really, really, really hard.

Just don’t expect to be able to explain it to anyone.

There is so much to love about Tasmania; stunning scenery, a gourmand’s paradise, a relaxed pace….and some of the best wine in the world.  The only thing is that often there is just not enough to make it out of the country, sometimes not even the state.

Tasmania is cool. After all, there is nothing between it and the Antarctic so logic dictates that there are some very interesting weather patterns here – primarily in the colder range of the spectrum. Being so southern in latitude also means that there are those long, long ripening days with crisp nights. The formula for concentration and intensity with natural acid.

The official designation is of cool maritime climate, which lends itself to silky savoury Pinot Noir, intense, sometimes edgy Riesling and some of the finest freshest sparklings. Although it is unfair to make such generalisations, as there are distinct differences between the sub-regions of Tasmania. In the North there is the Tamar Valley, in the South – Derwent Valley, Coal River Valley and Huon Channel areas plus the East Coast and North West.

The unique and rich personality of Tasmanian wine cannot be contained in the bottle. There are so many stories to be explored.

For a start, it is home to arguably one of the finest cellar door experiences that you could ever expect. Not every cellar door has its own Museum of Old and New Art (MONA) complete with Greek artifacts amongst the Brett Whiteley’s and Kulik’s.  Not to mention the stylish world class accommodation, The Pavilions, that overlooks the Derwent, the fine dining experience, plus a brewery and a ferry service. But Moorilla Estate can boast just that. The wine is not bad either. I will leave you to make your own decision though about their website www.moorilla.com.au which seems to be more art than useful.

Then there is Frogmore Creek who has been very active in diversifying their Riesling offering to include a 40 grammer (FGR refers to 40 grams per litre of residual sugar, the current version has 45) and an Ice Wine version. I will let you in on a secret; Tassie is cold but not so cold that this could be produced naturally.  Then there is the unique personality of Domaine A and their cultish wines such Lady A Sauvignon Blanc and the Domaine A Cabernet Sauvignon with its 36 months in new oak.

The concern about climate and the expected changes that will radically alter the Australian industry has led to a bit of a flurry of investment in Tasmania. The recent purchase by Shaw + Smith of the Tolpuddle Vineyard in the Coal River Valley was just the tip of the investment tree and most certainly will not be the last.  Brown Brothers have recently purchased Tamar Ridge and Yalumba have added Dalrymple Vineyard to their stable already containing a Tasmanian, the Jansz brand.

These recent attentions will mean that Tasmania’s profile will only be on the rise. Now is the time to begin your own Tasmanian exploration.  Here are some suggestions that will provide some great starting points:

Domaine A ‘Lady A’ Sauvignon Blanc 2008:  Incredibly silky with a nose of apple with lemon and stonefruit. Finely textured with a fresh pineapple finish. An elegant and gorgeous lady. $60

Grey Sands Pinot Gris 2008: Incredibly expressive with juicy nutty pear character. Dry, linear acid with a long fine length. One of Australia’s finest Pinot Gris. $39

Tamar Ridge Kayena Vineyard Pinot Noir 2009:  Pretty floral cherry spice nose. With resonating intensity, an uber silky texture and a savoury finish, at around $30, this should be a staple in your repertoire.

Jansz Sparkling Rose 2007:  So clever making sure the colour matched the peachy pink of a ballet slipper with their current sponsorship of the Australian Ballet. The rich berry crème brulee that lingers fresh and satisfying is even more clever.

For a change of pace, the fourth episode of Showcase’s Tangle, sees Ally (Justine Clarke) getting on pleasantly with her son Romeo (Lincoln Younes). As Ally faces the daunting world of job interviews, Romeo is enthusiastically encouraging and gives her a motivating boost. This is perhaps the only time we’ve seen Romeo exude such kindness towards anyone, let alone his mother. War escalates with Luke Wintle (Michael Clarke-Tokely) though, with Romeo’s antagonism and violent tendencies only accelerating as the episodes go by.

Meanwhile Gigi (Eva Lazzaro ) is confronted by Charlotte (Georgia Flood). It was Gigi that informed Romeo of Luke’s identity, and thus becomes cast as a blind accessory to the violent events following. Solemnly stumbling around, it is clear that Gigi is a loner and a wanderer. Disconnected from her peers, Gigi confesses to her mother that she is lonely. As understanding as Ally is, Gigi’s pain is not really understood. Gigi is an inquisitive character, and Lazzaro plays her with an ethereal sincerity and curiosity.

Secrets continue to flow throughout the Kovac house as Ally and Joe (Kick Gurry) continue their sneaky sexual relationship. It soon becomes clear that Joe wants something more, but Ally doesn’t. She’s still interested in the ever evasive Gabriel (Matt Day), who later has a fist fight with Joe over the matter. Both men are interlopers, with one being Ally’ brother-in-law and the other being her dead husband’s best friend, and both pairings seem doomed.

Tangle’s other two lead female characters continue to conspire in their respective lives. Christine (Catherine McClements) employs her strategy of entering into politics partially to seek revenge on Billy (Tony Rickards). Max (Blake Davis) is used in an interview and photo shoot to give the impression that Christine’s home life is all perfect, and yet Tim (Joel Tobeck) is absent, even from his usual Skype calls. Nat’s (Kat Stewart) interactions with Chub (Dan Wyllie) are also of concern, due to their tumultuous past that still remains a fractional mystery.

Episode four introduces a new director, with the visual style noticeably different. Michael James Rowland’s direction is at its best while two characters are driving along with the camera placed in front of the actors in their seats. The effect looks similar to Kiarostami’s Ten, and gives the impression that we are invading their private space through views angles like security cameras.

With compelling performances, writing and directing, Tangle artistically brings the drama with sex, secrets and childhood angst.

Tangle airs 9.30pm on Sundays on Showcase.

James Madden is the founding editor of Film Blerg. He also is a Screen Editor for Farrago magazine, and has contributed to countless student and online publications. He is currently studying a Master of Arts and Cultural Management at the University of Melbourne.

The recent event which saw AFL player Liam Jungarai Jurrah charged following a fight in a town camp in Alice Springs raises a number of questions. How did a young and talented AFL player get entangled in such an incident? Why did the fight break out in the first place? What can be learnt from this? What can we all do to better understand Jurrah’s circumstances, and support Indigenous AFL players in the future?

Whether or not the allegations against Jurrah are proven to be true, in order to answer these questions, it is important to know more about Jurrah’s cultural context and obligations, and the challenges he faced when he moved away from his remote Aboriginal community to play AFL.

Jurrah is an elder of the Warlpiri people, who live in Yuendumu, a community about 300km northwest of Alice Springs. The Warlpiri population is approximately 1000 people in size, and represents one of the largest language groups in the Northern Territory.

Indigenous Australians are bound by a complex system of ‘traditional law’ which predates the current legal system in Australia. There are no formal courts under traditional law. Instead, problems are handled by elders. Elders are respected members of the Aboriginal community who are recognised custodians of traditional law, but also, as is the case with Jurrah, are great role models who instil optimism and inspire others to excel.

Jurrah is the first player from a remote central Australian community to play in the AFL. Although he physically moved from Yuendumu to play AFL, his obligations to the Warlpiri people, his traditional links to the land and his sense of kinship was unmovable.

The transition away from a life in a remote Aboriginal community is not an easy one. However, that’s not to say that it is impossible. Martin Flanagan, a senior journalist for The Age, writes:

‘In my experience, when there are rising tensions between different groups, whether they be racial or religious, there is really only one remedy. Engagement.’

Liam Jurrah, and other Indigenous AFL players who move away from home to play AFL, need additional support.

Indigenous Academies offer facilities to Indigenous students which are designed to encourage school attendance, completion of Year 12 and participation in sport. They also aim to equip Indigenous youth, including those from remote communities, with the skills to make it in the AFL.

The AFL currently has five Indigenous Academies, located in Queensland, New South Wales and Victoria. Each academy has its own unique program to respond to local needs.

A $15 million Indigenous Academy, to be called the Michael Long Academy, is anticipated to open in Darwin next year. Academy students, who will be accommodated on site, will be engaged in education and mentoring, and will be encouraged to take up leadership roles within their communities.

The AFL Commission is the official governing body of the AFL and has responsibility for administration of the AFL competition, setting policy and direction, as well as business and financial operations. Basically, it is the ‘keeper of the code’.

The AFL Commission administers a number of programs designed to engage communities, develop partnerships, provide leadership and celebrate diversity. Programs include the Indigenous Academies, as well as the Indigenous Flying Boomerangs Leadership Program, which selects Indigenous players to tour and compete with developing international countries, to provide players with exposure to an elite training environment.

The AFL Commission is comprised of eight members who are elected by the 16 AFL clubs. At present, the AFL Commission does not have Indigenous representation. Former Essendon director and longstanding AFL board member, Beverly Knight, believes Michael Long would be an invaluable and overdue addition to the AFL Commission.

AFL community engagement officer Jason Mifsud’s recent allegations against Adelaide Recruiter Matt Rendell, in which he claims Rendell would be reluctant to draft an Indigenous AFL player unless he had ‘one white parent’, is evidence of the lack of understanding and awareness that still exists within the AFL. So, too, are the recent comments from Ben Polis, chief executive and co-owner of EnergyWatch, a major sponsor for the Melbourne Football Club.

It is disappointing to hear and read about such comments in the public arena. However, it would be unfair to focus too heavily on the isolated remarks of Rendell and Polis and therefore conclude that the AFL is unjustly discriminating against Indigenous players.

It is equally as unfair to focus too heavily on Mifsud’s claims against Melbourne coach Mark Neeld. Despite Mifsud publicly acknowledging his error, and tendering his resignation, which the league did not accept, controversial AFL identity Sam Newman has called for Mifsud to resign immediately, stating that the league was simply acting ‘politicly correct’.

The current controversy surrounding the AFL should be harnessed to raise the profile of Indigenous affairs in the AFL, and inform the public of the challenges still facing Indigenous Australians. AFL clubs (and AFL culture) need to continue to work towards ensuring a culturally competent and safe future for Indigenous players. In the words of one member of the Commission, AFL Chief Executive Officer Andrew Demetriou:

‘It is critical our game responds to, and reflects Australia’s changing demographics. Australian football has the extraordinary power to bring people together regardless of their background and we respect this position enormously.’

Welcome to Melbourne, Tim. How does it feel to be performing at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival?

Hard to say in a word – but currently brilliant, wonderful, amazing and great would come close – it’s a great festival in an amazing place. I keep wondering where the down side is but have not found it yet. It’s nice to have a show here (it’s called GAMBLER) that people seem to be enjoying.

How did you break into comedy? Was it something you always knew you wanted to do, or did you somehow…fall into it?

I’d been working abroad (attempting to help out on a nutmeg farm in the West Indies…I hope it was helpful and not a hindrance) and I got back to the UK. I didn’t know what to do and tried a load of jobs but was pretty terrible at all of them. I sat down with a mate in a fast food chain and mapped out an idea for a show on a napkin. We saved up some cash, took it to the Edinburgh Festival and it was nominated for the Perrier Best Newcomer Award that year.  The Perrier is taken pretty seriously (ironic for a comedy award) and soon after we were asked to write for various shows. Then someone took us on tour too and it just sort of carried on from there…in short, it was a trap baited by clowns – I fell into it!

You’re quite active on Twitter. What is it about the social media platform that you like?

It’s so nice you think I’m active on Twitter – I’ve been pretty useless about doing it until very recently. So that’s very kind of you to notice. I like the immediacy of Twitter and the fact that it forces you to actually think about how to phrase your intent. Social Media is like giving you a chance to make your own mini newspaper that only people who like it, will read. It’s a great way of interacting with your audience and surely that’s our entire aim so it helps with that.

Out of all the cities in all the world, where is your favourite one to perform?

Currently Melbourne of course: it seems like a great city – just like England but with sun and more space. I have a huge soft spot for Edinburgh mainly as I’ve started all my shows there and spent an awful lot of my life there. But it’s kind of the opposite of Melbourne. Edinburgh never stops raining and yet the Edinburgh venues are hotter…I’ve not quite managed to work that out…

What are your thoughts on Australia? Can you make any observations on Australian culture?

I saw the Demons at the MCG and that was super (sadly not the best result for Demons fans but happy if you’re from Brisbane). I’m loving Australian phrases – instead of our English one to describe something difficult: ‘I thought I’d bitten off more than I could chew’ I heard an Australian man the other evening say ‘It was a tough challenge: I thought I’d licked the balls off an elephant!’ That is brilliant. The English one sounds like I’ve had a tricky time involving a bun or pastry slice – the Australian one sounds like you’ve accidentally become involved in sexual congress with something that weighs more than a truck. It’s very easy to see which one would be the more accurate way of describing something difficult. Well done Australia, I’m going to borrow it from now on.

Name the first word/thought that pops into your mind after reading these words…

Echidna: Is that a sneeze? I’m thinking it’s a sneeze…actually is that one of things like an anteater?? If so then sneezing is the opposite of what would be good there – poor anteater with the flu: he’d starve…

Gig: Show – chance to make people laugh, smile.

Foot: 12 inches or a tenth of a perch (it measures length in England). There’s a lot of stuff in the show GAMBLER about old distances so that might explain it – people running races against race horses in over 100 yards, or rolling cheese across miles of countryside…

United Kingdom: Home – I live in the ancient kingdom of East Anglia (and we’re still part of the UK – my independence movement has not had effect yet…)

TV: Goggle box – I spend too much time with these things.

Melbourne: Home with sun. It really is a lovely place – thanks for having me here…I’ve just read this back and I’m terrible at single word answers it seems…sorry…

To find about more about Tim Fitzhigham, please visit his website here. His show, GAMBLER, is playing at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival until April 22nd.